Why does it seem that marriage never ends up as people want it to be?

I look at my family, mom is divorced from my dad(i agree since he is an emotionally/ physically abusive drunk), always fights with step dad. I look at my boyfriends mom, she is divorced. All of my friends parents are divorced. My grandma is divorced living with a not really boyfriend whose a drunk. I never hear of a happy marriage. I dont even hear of happy marriages that have up and downs but mostly ups. Do they exist?Why does it seem that marriage never ends up as people want it to be?
Not that I'm an expert but I think it's because of 3 things....





1....some people don't really look at their partners before they get married....they think love fixes everything and having the perfect ring and gown is what's important.





2....some people don't really know what a marriage is about.





3....some people look at divorce as an easy way out when it should be the last resort.Why does it seem that marriage never ends up as people want it to be?
I have been married for 9 years to a great lady, I have 3 sisters and a brother that are all still with spouse #1 One sister is widowed, but her only husband passed away last October.





My parents were divorced when I was 8 years old but always continued to work together in a loving and positive manner whenever their kids were involved.





The thing is that drug abuse destroys families and even worse, whether children want to or not, they usually end up being attracted to the same kind of dysfunctional people that they were raised by. It is a circle that is difficult to break. I know that for me my parents divorce just reinforced in me that I was not going to let that happen to my kids.





So yes, there are lots of good marriages out there... Happy people do not tend to be the ones likely to be posting here on Yahoo! Good Luck and God Bless
Happy marriages exist. Trust me, I'm in one. I was in the same boat, though, growing up. True love and happy ever after were fairy tales. Destroyed and damaging relationships surrounded me. The key is in you. Don't judge your relationship based on other peoples relationships. Look for qualities you admire in someone. Don't settle for whatever comes along, and keep an open mind. Sometimes, it's the person who is completely opposite from your ideal that winds up with your heart. Stick to the important basics, though, like no drunks, no abuse. And remember, just because a marriage fails, doen't mean it was a failure.
Don't stop reading. Give me a minute.





No one wants to hear these words anymore, because they require looking in to oneself. It's called VALUES, MORALS, PRINCIPALS, SCRUPLES and these equal one thing a true belief in GOD.





For two people to come together in marriage and weather the bad times all the above must a common denominator in each person.





It is said when choosing a mate choose one with the same values, as yourself. Now, wouldn't you like to think you're a good moral adult who has much to offer another good moral adult in marriage? This is one thing you can become in the middle all the chaos you've mentioned about your family. You don't have to become like anyone. You're responsible for becoming who you know in your heart God your Heavenly Father wants for you. That's all the goodness life has to offer. It's your choice. Not anyone else's. Isn't that a great feeling to have in our hearts?





Once you accept God's love for you and you realize you can have all the wonderful things in life, if you put him first. You will meet that perfect God chosen mate for you. Not everyone is a drunk, nor do all marriages fail.





Blessings to you sweetie%26lt;%26gt;%26lt;:)
You want an example of a happy marriage? Look at mine. Married 31 years, 5 kids, 3 grand kids. My wife is absolutely my best friend forever. I have 4 siblings all older than me. None of them have ever been divorced or remarried. All 5 of us are still with our first spouses. Both my and my wife's parents were married until one of them passed away. Never cheated or divorced. My paternal grandparents we're married 54 years until his death in1962. My maternal grandparents were married 28 years until his untimely death in 1933.


Happy marriages do exist, I think I'm in one of the best loving marriages of all time. It all depends on how dedicated to each other the people are. Drunks and wife beaters aren't dedicated to anything but their booze and their anger.
Marriage is what you make of it. You cannot have a happy marriage, if you are married to someone who is an alcoholic and gets drunk and beats you. Not good marriage material. You have to chose better than that, not talking bad about anyone in your family. Since you have seen that obviously doesn't work, look for someone different. And make sure you know what you are getting yourself into, and with who, and get married for the right reasons.
Yes, they do exist there are times that people make mistakes choosing the partner they like to marry. When you marry it takes two and it should be a 50/50 no one is better than the other. Also marriage is a commitment between two people and it is suppose to be till death do you part like in the fairy tale movies, but it does not work that way there are men and women that as soon as the things get tough they take off and don't even look back. I for one I believe that marriage is a commitment made by two and I'll will be always with my husband because I love him very more that he could ever know. but for your question they do exist. It's just very few, no one tolerates no one anymore. Marriage is not just saying '; I do'; there is alot then needs to be done taking care of your husband, the home, cooking, laundry and if you have children, the children and if you have a job outside the home it's hard no it's not a piece of cake. It's a struggle to make a marriage work.



People want Movies/Music/and television shows that displays marriage as something ';pretty';. The media has a HUGE influence as to our perceptions of what the world is and how it should be.





Marriage can be really great even when things are hard. It really is a communal effort, I believe. People need to learn from others how to be a good wife or husband... it does not come naturally. Its a huge responcibility, and the sense of finality can either be depressing or comforting depending on your situation.





I know you have seen ALOT of bad marriages as I have.. but people have choices, and are not just products of their environment... its all about choices.
aww i'm sorry to hear that. well some people don't really fully know a person. no one treats a marriage as they should now a days. when you ask someone to marry you, you gotta know all about them. you gotta know their likes and dislike and their personality fully. it's like when you shop for a product you really need. it needs to be top of the line if it's important and it needs to function properly. sure it will have downs, but it's gotta have lots of ups to beat the downs... you get what i mean? because a couple people don't get along, it doesn't mean it's that way for the world. you can go and see that there are the most passionate couples you've ever seen who will love each other 'till death. true love is hard to find. you just gotta really search for it. it's there though.
Yes good marriages do exist my parents were happily married although my mother is alone because mu father died five years ago my brother is approaching his wedding anniversary which will be 31 years my sister 18 years and me 1 year. Marriage is not easy you both have to work at it and be able to take the bad times with the good.
Both sets of my Grandparents had life long happy marriages. My husband's parents were devoted until his father's death, my parents have been happily married for nearly 50 years and my brother and I both have enduring and very happy marriages. We are all educated professionals, no one married very young, we were all raised in stable and close families, and we all chose very very carefully.
most people get married for the wrong reason in general. That and like the people above me have said, it takes some major work.





And yes they exist. A few of my friends have parents that have been together for ages and are happily in love. But their parents work hard to keep it that way.





Some people also settle for less and end up with an abusive partner just to have one.
Most people get married for the wrong reasons. All of my aunts got married to the same type of drunk jerks too. It was because they didn't have a lot of self esteem and they thought that's all they could get. The point is that when you're looking for the right person, don't settle for ';good enough';....that's crap! Don't settle for anything less than what you WANT! And if all you want is a lame drunk, then that's what you'll get. You have to believe in yourself and believe that you deserve someone that is good to you and loves you.
Marriages only work if both work together.. and most just give up. My father is on his 4th wife and I think he finally found the right one. I am married and I am only 21... my husband and I have fights and all but we work it out. We can be nasty with each other but it happens.. Communication is the number one thing in a marriage. Thats it. If you don't' talk things out. Divorce happens.
They do exist but very little. I feel that nowadays people get married for the wrong reasons. I also believe that many marriages don't make an effort to make things work so divorce is their easy way out. So it all depends on the situation (like your parents) and the people.
You have to set it up to succeed. Don't get married young. Date for a long time. Talk, talk, and talk about what kind of life you want before you marry each other. Spend more time getting ready for the marriage than the wedding. Marriage is until death do you part! You have to work out all your problems and divorce is not an option.
It depends, for a few years my wife was dropping dry hints about breaking up, when I finally tied it all together, I got where she was coming from. The thing that puzzled me is that she could not or would not argue or make her point, she just did not care to do it or did not know how. I felt we were drifting away and sensed things were not right for a long time. That is why it was so easy to leave.
ofcourse they exist.


People change though. Sometimes in not a good way...like the drunks you talk of. People make mistakes, sometimes you marry the wrong person.


My parents have been together for 26 years...my sister 3 years...me 1 month. My uncle is the only person in my family who has had a divorce.
because love and marriage require hard work and self-sacrifice. most people aren't up to the challenge.